2 Fast 2 Furious Review

Continuing with my Fast & Furious-a-thon, we arrive at the winner for best title for a movie sequel ever. This movie kinda sucks. In a good way though. In a lot of ways, it’s like the poor mans version of the original. The plot is less coherent, the characters have less character, and there’s no Vin Diesel. It does all the same things as the first one, but with none of the finesse. It’s sloppy, stupid and unimpressive. But it’s pretty funny. This is the perfect movie to watch on TV late at night. It is in no way a good movie, but it’s entertaining. And hell, isn’t that what movies are supposed to be in the first place? A decent entry in the series, but I’m kinda hoping Tokyo Drift is better.

Overall Rating: Furious/10

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The Fast and The Furious Review

Fast & Furious 6 is currently in theatres. Up until now, I haven’t seen any of the Fast and Furious movies all the way through. So I decided to marathon them, and write a review after watching each one so that you can decide whether or not it’s worth seeing all of them. To begin at the beginning, The Fast and Furious is a great movie. Ok, we’re not talking The Godfather or anything, but this movie is great for what it is, and what it is is pure unapologetic awesomeness. This is one of the most fun movies I’ve seen in a long time. With this whole new generation of Chris Nolan-ey movies, I really miss the days of action movies being able to not take themselves too seriously. This movie is almost too cheesy for its own good, but at the same time the deeper level does exist. You can laugh at the clumsy dialogue and the over the top action that never actually seems to inflict the injuries you’d think it would, but by the end of the movie I think I actually found myself caring about the characters. This movie is simple, stupid, and corny, but it’s done well. This movie is classic, and if you haven’t seen it, I would highly recommend it. And they have it on Netflix, so you don’t even have to go to trouble to download it. I mean, purchase it legally at your local movie store. Tomorrow I’m gonna try to knock out a couple of the sequels, let’s hope they hold up.

Overall Rating: Fast/10

Man of Steel Review

I’m going to start this review by using sex as a metaphor for superhero movies. Iron Man was an innocent kiss, with promises of more to come. The Incredible Hulk, a little light making out. Iron Man 2 hit second base. Thor and Captain America were awkward and unsatisfying sex, and finally Avengers was the messy climax. Now, Man of Steel was DC shooting it’s wad in it’s pants halfway through the first date. This movie was far too big for what it needed to be. This movie was not only the introduction of the character of Superman, but of the whole universe DC is attempting to create in preparation for a possible Justice League movie. This movie should have done nothing more than introduce the character of Superman. It should have been a character oriented origin story that set the groundwork for something larger to come. Like Iron Man did so well. Like Batman Begins. Instead, it feels the need to try to live up to The Avengers with an epic alien invasion that leaves Metropolis in ruin. This would have made a great final Superman movie, or even a good sequel, but it feels awkward as the first movie in the series. The giant ending is going to be very hard to outdo in a sequel, or even the eventual Justice League. The other major problem with this movie is the tone. It suffers from post-9/11-action-movie syndrome, wherein nothing is allowed to be fun. I’m all for a little darkness in my super-heroes, but Superman is not Batman. I guess what I’m saying is for a movie about a guy who flies with a red cape, it should maybe have been a little less depressing.

Overall Rating: Premature Ejaculation/10

This Is The End Review

This Is The End is a movie that doesn’t know what it’s trying to be. The tone is all over the place, from the funny joking that you came to see, to the bizarrely dramatic and emotional, and to scary throughout some of the scenes involving Jonah Hill towards the end. If you cut out about a third of the jokes, this movie could easily be marketed as an action/horror movie about the apocalypse. However, not a good one. This movie definitely has some funny lines, and in places comes close to being genuinely thrilling, but it never quite becomes the fun adventure comedy I wanted it to be. It’s worth seeing, but I wouldn’t pay thirteen bucks at the movie theatre. Download it, stream it, or maybe go to one of the theatres that only charges seven bucks, like the Rainbow or the Carlton (that’s what I did). Bottom line, check it out. But maybe lower your expectations a little bit.

Overall Rating: At Least Michael Cera Dies/10

UPDATE: Upon watching this movie a second time, I actually enjoyed it a lot more. I don’t know if it was that my expectations weren’t as high the second time, or if I needed some time for it to settle with me, or maybe it was just that I missed so many jokes the first time because the theatre was so loud. I’m not taking back anything I said earlier about it, I’m just saying that it grew on me.

Primer Review

Primer is probably the best time travel movie ever made. If you haven’t heard about it, it’s a 2004 independent movie about two engineers who accidentally create a time machine in their garage. It’s fucking brilliant. But it’s also super confusing. I think I need to watch it like eight more times to actually get it. But if you’re sick of stupid time travel movies like Looper that make no sense, and want an intelligent complex movie that will leave you with a lot to think about, check this one out. It’s on American Netflix, if you have American Netflix.

Overall Rating: ∞/10