The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Review

Ok, so I’m not a Lord of the Rings fan. Like, at all. I’ve seen the original trilogy maybe, like, three times? I don’t have anything against them, that’s for sure. I mean, there’s a lot of cool stuff in those movies. I just don’t really give a shit about them. So, naturally, I didn’t really give a shit about the Hobbit. But I was curious about the high frame rate and stuff, so I went and saw it with one of my “Ringer” friends. This was back before I started reviewing movies on the internet, but I decided that since the sequel is coming out this week, it would be a good time to give you my thoughts. The first thing I will say about this movie is that it shouldn’t be trilogy. I mean, granted, I didn’t read the book, but the movie progresses at such an agonizingly slow pace that I can’t possibly imagine they needed three parts to tell the complete story. Like, ok, what happened? Gandalf came to Bilbo’s house, told him he needed to go kill a dragon or some shit, they walked to the elf city, chilled there for a while, fell of some mountains, Bilbo met Gollum, then they fought that Nosferatu looking mother fucker with the hook hand, and that was the end of the movie. Are you seriously telling me they couldn’t have done all that in, like, 45 minutes? Especially considering that the Nosferatu thing wasn’t even in the book. I just feel like the Hobbit could have been one really good movie, but instead they decided to stretch is out into three mediocre movies with a lot of filler. But I guess that wouldn’t have made anybody a kajillion billion fucking dollars. The movies other problem is that it tries to be way too epic. From what I understand, the book is meant to be a light hearted little adventure story, with nowhere near the gravitas of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But the movie tries to make every little event along their journey seem like the most serious thing ever. May I remind everyone that the fate of middle earth is not at stake here? It’s just a very different kind of story than Lord of the Rings, but Peter Jackson insists on trying to tell it the same way, and the result is a movie that’s all over the place in terms of tone. Oh, and the high frame rate is just nauseating.

Overall Rating: Maybe the second one will be better. It’s the one with the dragon, right?/10


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