So by the time Blade: Trinity came out, superhero movies had already become pretty popular. In fact, it was released the same year as Spider-Man 2, and it’s apparent that they tried to give this one more broad appeal to cash in on the growing market. This time around the director is David S. Goyer, who wrote the first two Blade movies, as well as the stories for all three Chris Nolan Batman movies and Man of Steel. And it’s pretty clear that he should have stuck to screenwriting, because Blade: Trinity finally becomes what the Blade movies had always been on the verge of becoming: truly dumb action schlock. The movie is full of signs of an amateur director, such as shots being sped up because they weren’t thinking about pacing while they filmed it, and action sequences being cut so quickly that you can’t really tell what’s happening. But it goes beyond bad directing. It’s hard to decide what the worst part of this movie is; is it the douchebag from Prison Break playing a young sexy beefcake Dracula who calls himself Drake and walks around topless? Is it Parker Posey chewing more scenery than Ricardo Montalban in Wrath of Khan? Or is it Ryan Reynolds trying way too hard to be the “funny guy” and delivering some of the worst comedic dialogue ever written? No, wait, it’s definitely Ryan Reynolds. He’s trying so so hard to make everything he says hilarious and it becomes legitimately hard to watch. And speaking of hard to watch, the movie features two separate close up shots of his pubes. I guess I could see this movie being fun to laugh at if you’ve got a few buddies and a few beers, but honestly I wouldn’t recommend it. Watch the first Blade cause it’s jokes, watch the second Blade cause it’s awesome, and avoid this one because it’s god awful.
Overall Rating: Embarrassing/10