So the common solution of the two problems that plagued a third movie moving forward, a low budget and the earth being blown up, was to send the characters back in time to present day earth. Yep, that’s right. It turns out that during the events of the last movie, which I’ll remind you took place over the course of like two days, Cornelius and Zira found the only rocket scientist on the planet, went out into the forbidden zone, found the crashed ship that Brent came it, fixed it up despite the fact that basic aerodynamics had not yet been invented in their society, launched it into space without any ground crew or fuel, and then were sent back in time by the shockwave of the earth exploding. The movie simply opens with the ship landing on present day earth, no explanation. So the movie plays out as a kind of reverse of the original, with the talking primates now being captive in our world, instead of the other way around. They also pretend they don’t know how to talk at first, simply for the sake of having a big reveal fifteen minutes in. Like, they say it’s because they don’t want the humans to know they’re intelligent, but then they still wear clothes and use cutlery and stuff around them. Anyway, they spend most of the movie just kinda farting around the military compound while government dude debate about what to do with them. and then eventually Zira reveals that she’s pregnant. The humans are worried that their offspring will eventually overthrow humanity, which seems like a pretty legit concern considering Cornelius and Zira flat out told them that apes would rule the world in the future. So they decide to abort the baby and fix them so that they can’t have any more kids, which actually seems pretty reasonable to me. I mean, they’re willing to let you live peacefully in their society, they just want some insurance that they won’t become extinct within the next hundred years. Either way, Zira and Cornelius make a run for it, are chased by the military, and are eventually killed. But their baby survives and is kept secret from everyone in some sketchy circus. The biggest problem with this movie is that it was clearly just made in order to reset things after the planet blowing up and to set up the next film in the franchise. It’s clear that no effort went into it at all, and it has a crazy low budget. I mean, there’s like three locations, and they’re all just regular looking rooms. The only thing it seems like they actually spent money on was the makeup, and even that looks much worse than in the last two movies. Anyway, this movie sucks, but the only real point of it is that now we’re back in the present and they have a decent set up for a fourth movie.
Overall Rating: Oh, and Ricardo Montalban’s in this. I fucking love that guy/10