Part of what made the first pirates movie work was the fact that it didn’t take itself too seriously. By the third one, however, the filmmakers have gotten so far up their own asses they can’t even tell which way is up. Like, literally, there’s a scene where the ship flips upside down and the sky and water switch places. The filmmakers actually don’t know which way is up. In the first movie, I was willing to accept a supernatural element because it seemed organic to enough to the universe, and it never really infringed majorly on the real world elements. By this one, whoever, we have gods trapped in bodies, and the East India Trading company ordering around a ship of undead fish people, and characters literally going into hell to bring someone back from the dead. In the first one, everyone thought the curse was just a silly ghost story until they saw it come true, and it was like a big surprise. Now it’s like everyone is just sort of like “oh, yeah, Davey Jones, the underworld, god of the sea, seems legit”. These aren’t solitary pirates dealing with low level evil curses, this is the government literally standing around and talking to the devil. You’d think that would have had a bigger impact on the future. I guess the movie’s just as watchable as the last one was, but it just gets so ridiculous. I know it’s a fictional universe, and a silly one at that, but I still call bullshit on about 90% of the things that happen. Suddenly there’s this whole pirate government? Bullshit, why didn’t we hear about it in the last two movies. The black chick is actually the ancient god of the sea? Bullshit, why didn’t any of the characters act like they knew that? Suddenly whoever kills Davey Jones has to become him? Bullshit. Suddenly all the pirates have one of nine pieces of eight needed to free Calypso? Bullshit. Suddenly you can just go to hell and bring back anyone from the dead? BULLSHIT!!!!! I mean, if it’s that easy to bring back someone form the dead, then the whole ending pointless. Like, the whole thing is that Will gets stabbed, and the only way to save him is for him to stab Davey Jones’ heart, thus making him immortal, but binding him to the Flying Dutchman and meaning he can only come on shore and see Elizabeth once every ten years (although why she couldn’t just come on the ship with him is beyond me). But literally like two days ago they went to hell and got Jack Sparrow back from the dead, so why didn’t they just let Will die and then go do the same thing for him? ONCE YOU ESTABLISH A WAY FOR PEOPLE TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD, YOU CAN’T KILL OFF ANYBODY ELSE WITHOUT IT BEING MEANINGLESS!!!!! Okay, this is a long review. Short version: this movie sucks.
Overall Rating: This Pirate Shit Is Getting Too Crazy For Me, I’m Out/10