Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest Review

Ok, so I watched the second one too. I know, I need to smoke less weed. Anyway, the second pirates movie is even more silly and unrealistic than the first one. Not that the first one was super realistic, but in this one the laws of physics go completely out the window several times in the first act alone. It also becomes much more confusing and hard to follow. There are like four british colonel guys, and I have no idea which one is which. (I know, I know, less weed). Anyway, I guess Orlando Bloom kind of does more this time, but the b-plot they gave Keira Knightley is stupid and irrelevant. I wouldn’t actually call the action scenes well made, but they are amusing in a Bugs Bunny kind of way. I think the problem with this movie is they decided to only pick the very worst parts of the first movie to carry over, and left all the good stuff. They kept the creepy looking ghost characters, but ruined the tone by making them goofier and more kid friendly. It turns the action into a cartoon, it takes the horror and turns it into comedy, and that guy with the wooden eye and his fat friend are really starting to get on my nerves by this point. One of the things it does improve on from the original is the score. One of my biggest beefs with the original is that all the music, other than the main theme, is completely stock. This one unfortunately keeps a lot of some music from the original, but there is some new stuff that at least sounds somewhat unique to the movie. As for other stuff I liked, the Krakken was pretty cool, and I would say the same about Davey Jones, who, though well acted, just looks so dumb. I honestly can’t believe that nobody animating him stopped and said “Wait, we have a giant octopus dressed up like a pirate”. This movie may retain some of the charm of the first movie, but it has none of the balls.

Overall Rating: Literal Emasculation/10


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