Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Review

So it’s pretty obvious that they got the best possible director for the third movie. So who do they replace him with for the fourth? The asshole who directed Four Weddings and a Funeral. Well, that sucks. This is the movie that set the precedent for all future sequels to have no unique visual style whatsoever, and to just try to be exactly like the third movie, only more bland. The problem is that they’re not sure whether to embrace the darker tone of the third movie, or to shy away and revert back to the more family friendly tone in the original two. So they sort of just split the difference, and the result is a movie that couldn’t possibly feel more bland. Though it set the stage for what the next three movies ended up being, this one’s not quite as bad as them. It has a lot of what I would call “redeeming qualities”. For example: Robert Pattinson is actually pretty good as the older kid, and I like his relationship with Harry. I like the whole thing between Ron and Hermione at the dance, it really feels natural, and it’s good foreshadowing for them to get together later. The thing with the dragon was pretty cool. The whole maze, and subsequent graveyard scene is really awesome. I like the way Cedric dies, I like Mad Eye Moody a lot. I think Ralph Fiennes is amazing as Voldemort. That’s everything. Other than that, it’s just boring to watch. I don’t really care about any of the tri-wizard tournament stuff, because you know there’s no real stakes. The school’s obviously going to make sure that no one dies, and it’s not like Harry’s really trying to accomplish anything, or fight towards some dire goal of saving the day. He’s just sort of dicking around playing games, waiting for the bad guys to come get him at the end. And speaking of things I couldn’t care less about, what’s with that whole fight between Harry and Ron in the first half of the movie? Ron’s like mad at Harry because he thinks he put his own name in the cup and lied about it, and then he walks around like a pissy girl not talking to him for like twenty minutes, and then Harry fights the dragon, and Ron’s all like “you would have to mental to put your name in the cup”, but Harry wouldn’t have known that he would have to fight a dragon before putting his name in, so how does that prove anything? And why would the rest of the school stop hating him, too? Just because he beat the dragon, they don’t care that he put his name in illegally? It never seemed like the school’s hatred for him had anything to do with thinking he would fail, but then suddenly he does well in the tournament and everyone loves him again. It makes no sense. Anyway, this movie sucks. I mean, it’s alright for kids I guess, but people shouldn’t be talking about it like it’s a good movie or anything.

Ruling: Kinda Holds Up

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