Ok so this is a weird movie. I guess the Punisher is kind of a weird character, and the 80’s were kind of a weird time, so it makes sense. It’s essentially just a terrible low budget 80’s action movie. It stars Dolph Lundgren, who is probably best known for being the giant Russian dude in Rocky IV who says “I must break you”. I guess he does a decent job of playing to stone faced badass, but he must have actually had a really strong Russian accent in real life because every line he says in the movie sounds dubbed. He also never wears the skull shirt, instead rocking a leather jacket for most of the movie. But what’s really weird is his facial hair. He has like five o’clock shadow, but it’s very obvious painted on, and the way it’s contoured to his cheek bones is really weird. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe, maybe look up a picture of it. As crazy as it sounds, I have a theory about this; the way the stubble is done, it makes his face looks much bonier. And he also has big bags under his eyes all the time. So it sort of looks like they maybe tried really subtly to make his face looks kind of more like a skull? Like instead of putting it on his shirt, they like kind of made it his face? I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy, but if I’m right it was a super weird choice. Anyway, the movie actually doesn’t focus that much on the Punisher. At least not at first. The plot mainly follows this mafia boss who killed Frank Castle’s family. He’s trying to unite the families and take over the city that the filmmakers are pretending is New York, when the head of the Yakuza comes in from Japan and starts fucking shit up. So we have this whole conflict between this Italian mob dude and this crazy Japanese chick, and the Punisher is just kind of a random element in the equation. Then there’s the whole subplot about Frank Castle’s ex-partner looking for him. Boring. There are some really strange things along the way, though. There’s one scene where the Punisher saves a bunch of kids, puts them all on a bus to drive them away, and then proceeds to take the bus on an insane action chase with the kids all still on board. Kind of irresponsible. There are also two different scenes of him sitting naked in the sewer surrounded by candles. I guess that’s how the Punisher unwinds? Other than that, it’s just a whole lost of bad acting, terribly shot action sequences, countless recycled shots, and a whole lot of awesome violence. This is a terrible fucking movie, but it’s also a pretty fun time.
Overall Rating: Dolph/10