You like good movies? Welp, you’ve come to the wrong place. Now, I never read any Ghost Rider comics (I’m actually pretty sure no one did), and it’s pretty backwards that we got a Ghost Rider movie before seeing Iron Man on the big screen. But the idea of like a dark, violent, stylized horror fantasy sort of movie with Ghost Rider could have been really cool. Like Spawn without the ridiculous CGI cape. But instead they decided to just make the most boring generic tensionless unoriginal recycled feeling cliched piece of crap ever shat out by the superhero movie genre. I don’t know who’s more uninteresting; Ghost Rider, who exists only as CGI, sans motion cap, and is essentially just a blank skull face who occasionally spits action catchphrases, or the villains, who are almost completely indistinguishable from each other, all get killed super quickly and easily, and whose motivations don’t really extend beyond “I’m evil”. Oh, and don’t forget the stupid annoying love story with Eva Mendes and the long drawn out “oh-no-my-father-is-dead-I-must-avenge-him” origin story. The one thing that has a slight chance of actually making this movie watchable in a funny bad sort of way is Nicholas Cage, but even his insane wackiness and ridiculous delivery choices aren’t enough to make this movie anything but a total yawn-fest. The only thing I would call a redeeming factor is Peter Fonda chewing the everlasting shit out of all the scenery he can find as the literal Devil, but he’s only in about ten minutes of the movie. It’s pointless to even talk about because I’m pretty sure that the only people who ever watched this were disappointed comic fans and little kids back in 2007, and that nobody for any reason would watch it now, but if somebody told you to check it out cause it was funny bad, or maybe you liked it as a kid and were wondering if it held up, or for whatever reason if you were thinking about watching this movie, I would strongly urge against it. This movie has no value.
Overall Rating: The Definition of Schlock/10