So the new Fast & Furious movie is out and fucking everybody is talking about it all of the sudden. I mean, two years ago when I did my review of the sixth movie, I couldn’t even get anyone to come see it with me. I guess more people have realized just how goddamn hilarious these movies are. Anyway, this, like any good Fast sequel, is essentially just the last movie but stupider. Except this one has Jason motherfucking Statham, man. He’s so badass. Just bein’ British and hitting people. He even kicks the Rock’s ass in this movie, and it’s definitely one of the better fights. Also Kurt Russell just walks into the middle of this movie out of nowhere, and his character is basically Nick Fury. They also really go hamm with the Roman Peirce one liners in this one, and it really gives Tyrese a chance to constantly make a fool out of himself throughout the movie. There’s also waaayy more lingering ass shots in this one. Sure, that was always a staple of the franchise, but it really gets ridiculous in this movie. I mean, that picture up there pretty much sums it up; butts and cars, that’s what these movies are about. And “bullets”, if you ask Paul Walker’s character. That’s the major bummer of this movie; Paul Walker. His character kind of dips in and out of the movie, and there are several major sequences he seems strangely absent from. Not only does this bring the movie down because his character is so inconsistent, but it reminds you WHY he’s not in those scenes, and that really kills the mood of the funny bad over the top action. Even worse is when at the end, after no foreshadowing whatsoever, Vin Diesel’s character suddenly start saying his goodbyes to him. He goes off on a whole thing about how Brian need to “be with his family now” (hey, I thought you were all family). We then see an obviously CGI Paul Walker deliver a few final lines that are obviously edited together from different audio clips, before they cut to a full blown montage of scene with him from the last six films, before finally ending the movie with “For Paul”. It’s a nice little tribute, but it kind of comes out of nowhere. And yes, I understand that they reason they couldn’t foreshadow his departure very well was that he wasn’t alive to film it, but it’s still a sudden and awkward shift right in the last five minutes. Aside from that, this latest entry might be the worst/most entertaining of the whole franchise, so grab some buds, grab some beers, go laugh at Vin Diesel surviving horrific car wreck after horrific car wreck, and try not to think about the sad irony of Paul Walker’s real life inability to do that exact thing.
Overall Rating: Butts/10