Halloween: The Curse of Michael Meyers Review

Somehow these movies just keep getting worse. This one starts with a violent childbirth scene for whatever reason. Then we get a quick explanation of the cliffhanger that ended the last movie. See, the last movie ended with Michael Meyers in jail, then the little girl runs in and the jail doors are like blown open and there’s fire and dead cops everywhere and Michael’s gone. I guess since Halloween 5 followed so closely after Halloween 4 they figured part 6 would do the same, but they ended up waiting like seven years. So in this one, everyone thinks Michael is dead after the explosion at the jail (yeah cause the last two times he exploded, he definitely stayed dead). Anyway, so the little girl who was Jamie Lee Curtis’s daughter has a baby (do the years check out there? She was like real young in the last one. Whatever). Anyway, so because Jamie Lee Curtis was Michael Meyers’s long lost sister, this baby is his grand-neice I guess? Which mean he’s gonna come kill her. Then at the same time, relatives of the family who adopted Jamie Lee Curtis are living in the old Meyers house where his first murder took place, and the oldest daughter of that family also has a small kid. Confused yet? But there’s more, living across the street from them is little Tommy Doyle, the kid that Jamie Lee Curtis was babysitting on Halloween night in the original movie, now all grown up. Like fuck, you think that’s enough connections? Couldn’t they have a single goddamn character who wasn’t somehow tied to the characters in the original movie? But check this out, Tommy Doyle is played by none other than a very young Paul Rudd. Dead serious. Fucking 19 year old Paul Rudd running around in a goddamn Halloween movie, as if anything could make you take this thing less seriously. He’s actually pretty good, though. He’s character is kind of a creepy loner who’s spent his whole life preparing for Michael Meyers to come back for him, and he pulls it off well. The major problem with this movie is the plot. Basically we find out that there’s this secret cult who are controlling Michael Meyers, making him kill his family members. See apparently every few Halloweens the constellations align to form a thorn, the mark of pure evil, and in order to concentrate that evil and not allow it to effect anyone, this ancient society came up with a way to focus all the evil to one family, brainwashing one of the members to murder his entire bloodline. That’s why Michael killed his sister as a kid, it’s why he comes back to Haddonfield every few Halloweens, and it’s why he’s so obsessed with killing his relatives. Basically all the mystery, all the chilling uncertainty, all the gravitas of Dr. Loomis’s “simply evil” speech from the first movie, all totally undone with this ridiculous explanation. If you’re ever making a horror movie, here’s a tip: nothing is scary after you spend an hour explaining it. What made Michael Meyers so interesting was that we didn’t know why he killed. We didn’t need to establish rules and a backstory for it. It totally ruins the whole franchise. What the fuck were they thinking? Now, there’s another thing we gotta talk about, and it’s also a major problem with the film, and one that’s really nobody’s fault. You see, Donald Pleasance passed away before they finished shooting the movie. It’s clear by the way the story flows that he was meant to have a bigger part, but they didn’t get most of his stuff shot in time. As a result, he’s barely in the movie. He mostly shows up for the occasional scene here or there. And the ending is the worst part. After Paul Rudd beats Michael Meyers to death with a pipe (just take in for a second that that is literally the climax of this movie), we see the surviving characters taking off in a van. They try to get Dr. Loomis to come with them, and he’s all “no, I’ve got unfinished business here”. And so they drive off and leave him at the abandoned insane asylum with the dead body of the dude who literally is never dead when you think he is. Then we get a few panning shots of the interior, before we see where Michael’s body was, and he’s gone, of course, and we just see his mask lying there. Then while we’re looking at it there’s a really awkward screaming sound from Donald Pleasance offscreen that you can tell was a recording from something else, and then the movie just ends. Apparently they were gonna have a final showdown between Loomis and Meyers that they never got to film. It’s a shame, because that might have been a cool way to go out, both for Pleasance and the Halloween franchise. Either way, this movie is a piece of shit that’s not even fun to watch ironically. Oh, and I forgot to mention, at one point they reveal that Michael Meyers raped his own niece and impregnated her with the baby he’s now trying to kill. So just in case you also wanted horribly disgusting sex crimes with your shlock, this has that too. What a fucking trainwreck.

Overall Rating: Curse-ey/10

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