Moonraker Review

#11

1979

Roger Moore

This is it folks. The final frontier. Leprechaun went to space. Jason Voorhees went to space. If we’re lucky someday the cast of Fast and the Furious will go there too. But before any of that, Bond went to space. Of course, this was two years after the first Star Warsso it’s no wonder they were trying to cash in. And a lot of the space stuff really does feel ripped off from Star Wars, even to the point where people are yelling “red leader” and shit during the final battle. But let’s take a step back here, because we don’t actually get to any of that stuff until the last half hour. Most of this movie is just more silly Roger Moore Bond schlock. Let’s talk about that, for a sec. These movies get dumber and dumber, and it’s almost gradual enough that you don’t notice it. I mean there’s some silly stuff in the Sean Connery ones, but somewhere along the way it became a total parody of itself. Was it Sheriff J.W. Pepper? He’s maybe partially responsible, but I think just in general the people involved creatively stopped taking it seriously at some point. I mean, they even start recycling jokes in this one. There’s a scene where Bond drives out of the water in an amphibious vehicle, and someone in the crowd drinking alcohol does a double take and pours out what they’re drinking. In case you haven’t seen it, there is literally an identical scene in the previous movie, The Spy Who Loved Me. The only difference is this time it’s a boat with wheels instead of a car that can dive, but the stranger’s reaction is the exact fucking same thing. They also do the thing where all the government superiors catch Bond having sex at the end, which they’ve done I don’t even know how many times. I mean, if you’re going to ruin the integrity of the franchise by shoving in a bunch of forced dumb humour at least be creative enough to think of new jokes for each movie. And speaking of lack of creativity, Jaws is back. And guess what, he becomes reduced to silly comic relief too! There’s a really weird scene where he like, finds a girlfriend. He comes crashing through a wall on a cable car after an altercation with Bond, and this hot chick with pigtails helps him up, and they just smile at each other for a second before walking off hand in hand while they play that music from every cartoon that means people are in love. And then she follows him around for the rest of the movie, she even escapes with him at the end after he betrays the villain to help Bond. Did she just instantly fall in love with him, without even exchanging any words? I don’t get it. Anyway, so there’s some rich asshole who wants to start a colony on the moon, and after an hour and a half of the usual shenanigans, Bond hitches a ride on a rocket and gets to the action climax aboard the massive space station. There’s zero g fighting, guys in yellow jumpsuits, and an all out space battle with British agents firing giant laser canons. It’s a completely ridiculous movie, but the greatest travesty is that it’s not even that fun. You’d think “James Bond In Space” would at least be good for a laugh or two, but the most you’ll actually get out of this movie is literally a laugh or two. Mostly it’s just stupid, awkward, boring, and weird. I would not recommend it.

Overall Rating: Space/10

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