The Spy Who Loved Me Review



Roger Moore

So the basic plot of this one is that there’s a rich evil dude with a giant ridiculous submarine who wants to destroy the whole world and relaunch civilization underwater. Makes sense to me. What this really means is that we got another water level.  But this time Bond’s not alone. The title refers to a female Russian spy who Bond has to team up with on this mission. Initially, they’re working against each other, but when they realize they’re both after the same guy who took out both British and Russian submarines, their governments decide to officially cooperate. It’s pretty generic. The villain isn’t particularly memorable, and there aren’t very many twists in the story that you don’t see coming. There’s really only two things about this movie that stick out; the first is all the underwater stuff. First off, Bond has an underwater car. This is one of those things that’s ridiculous if you’re still trying to take these things completely seriously, but if you’re watching them for camp value, which is the way you gotta do the Roger Moore ones, it’s pretty fun. And speaking of camp value, the other big standout is Jaws. No, not that Jaws. Jaws is the bad guy’s henchman, who happens to be 7 feet tall, have superhuman strength, and metal teeth. Not like false teeth that happen to be metal, like he’s got big sharp robot shark teeth, man. Jaws is hilarious. At one point he rips apart an entire car with his bare hands. I mean the guy’s big, but how do you possibly explain that kind of strength in a realistic grounded universe? And they never explain where his robot teeth came from. This character makes absolutely no sense. Oh, and at the end, Bond drops him in a shark tank and he has to fight sharks. Jaws vs. sharks, get it? It’s as if the movie felt the need to clarify that he was just a fucking joke. This movie overall is pretty dumb, but the last twenty minutes or so make it somewhat worthwhile. There’s a big fight in a submarine, and some bomb defusing, and then an escape in another submarine, and then another fight back on the original submarine while it’s sinking. From a pure action standpoint, it’s pretty cool. Another part I like is Bond’s defeat of the main villain. He finally gets in a room with the guy and he starts doing his whole smug villain speech thing, and then he fires a thing at Bond, and Bond just dodges and then puts 4 bullets in the dude. It’s so quick and short and brutal, like this guy ain’t even worth his time. Badass. Oh, and then at the very end, Bond and the girl get away in an escape pod, and then MI6 picks them up on a boat and M and Q and all the Russian guys find them fucking in the pod. Classic Bond. To be honest I don’t have a lot to say about this one. It’s a little bit repetitive, and it just doesn’t really stick out too much from any of the other Roger Moore Bond movies. If you like campy funny stuff from the 70s, check it out, but otherwise I would go watch The Hunt For Red October or The Abyss instead.

Overall Rating: Wanting to see the henchman Jaws fight the shark from the movie Jaws/10


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