During the opening credits to this movie, there’s a moment where we see a naked girl’s silhouette against a black background with neon pink, green and blue streamers covering her private parts while she’s skiing down a hill, set to the movie’s theme, which is played by Duran Duran. It just might be the most 80s thing I’ve ever seen. Anyway, this one is about some rich guy who designs microchips wanting to flood all of silicon valley so that he can take out all his competitors and be the world’s only supplier of microchips. Sounds like a fine enough crazy villain plan. The really weird thing is that this bad guy, known as Zorin, because why not, is played by Christopher freaking Walken. Yeah, I’m dead serious. I bet you didn’t know Mr. Watch Up The Ass was a Bond villain. Not only that, he’s like super young and had blonde hair. He’s definitely the best part of the movie. I mean whatever else is going on, no matter how ridiculous, he just fully commits to his character and gives one of the most entertaining performance from a Bond villain yet. It’s not quite enough to save this movie, but at least it’s a nice contrast from Roger Moore. But let’s talk about Moore for a second. This is his seventh and final movie, and goddamn does he look old. He’s actually older than Sean Connery, and by the time he made this movie he was 58 years old. And he’s not like some old grissled badass, we’re not talking about like a Liam Neeson in Taken kind of thing, no, he’s like a saggy out of shape old dude with a bad hair piece. It just looks like someones uncle running around trying to do action stuff. Quite frankly it’s a bit embarrassing. There’s not that much else to say about the movie. The silliness and campiness is a little more subdued than in previous ones, although the main henchmen, aka the black girl with the jokes 80s hair on the poster, does have inexplicable super strength. There’s a fight scene on the Eiffel tower where the bad guy parachutes away, a part with a huge underground mine and a bomb in a minecart, and there’s a whole section of the movie early on where they talk about horse breeding for a really long time and it’s super boring. Finally, there’s a big showdown where Bond is hanging from the top of the Golden Gate bridge and the bad guys are coming around in a blimp trying to knock him off. He keeps almost falling, and the blimp crashes into the bridge at one point, and eventually he sends Chris Walken plummeting to his death. It’s kinda cool. Overall, this is still a pretty bad movie, but it’s not the worst in the franchise. Probably not worth your time, but maybe look up a few scenes of Christopher Walken in it, cause it’s super funny to see like villain monologuing and stuff. Well, that’s about it, but there’s one more thing: this is the last Roger Moore Bond movie. We’re done with fucking Roger Moore. WOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!! YESS!!! NO MORE MOORE!!!! WE DID IT, WE’RE FUCKING DONE!!!! USA! USA! USA! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Overall Rating: Walken/10