This movie is actually somewhat of a step up from the last one. I mean, it’s still completely ridiculous and terrible, but at least this one’s memorable. The death of another double 0 agent leads Bond to investigate a jewelry smuggling operation in India. Right off the bat it’s an environment that offers some visual variety from places we’ve seen in previous movies. Christ, how bad have these movies gotten that I’m taking about a change of scenery as a major positive? They also use the setting as an excuse to rip off the “Indian people eat weird gross dead animal heads” gag from Temple of Doom. Yep, first Star Wars, and now they’re ripping off Indiana Jones too. Anyway, so Bond find this women called Octopussy, who has her own island palace where she leads an all women cult, which is also sometimes a circus(?), which smuggles jewelry on their circus train. However, it turns out the soviets have swapped out the jewels for a nuclear bomb. The circus is doing a USO show at a US Air Force base in West Germany, and the Soviets’ plan is to detonate the bomb during the show, making it look like one of the American’s nukes went off by accident. This is supposed to cause Britain to de-commission all their bombs, leaving them open to Soviet invasion. Apparently the easiest way to invade Britain is by drastically destabilizing American and Soviet/German relations during such a turbulent era. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s an excuse for Bond to go to the circus and dress like a clown. Yep, literally, as if the character wasn’t a joke enough already, they put him in a big clown wig with a red nose and makeup and big floppy shoes and everything. You’d think that after you’ve watched him defuse a nuclear warhead in clown makeup, that would be the end of the movie, but no, they got more ridiculous shit to throw at you in the last twenty minutes, including a group of circus performers taking out guards and sneaking into a palace using acrobatics, Bond and Q coming to Octopussy’s rescue in a hot air balloon, and a plan crash where Bond and the girl jump out inches from the ground and somehow are not killed. There’s also a bunch of stuff on a train around the middle of the movie, some of which is actually kind of cool. There’s a whole extended fight on the roof, it reminds me of the end of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, or that one part in Uncharted 2. But as usual they totally ruin it with shit that makes no sense, like when Bond is driving a car alongside the train, and his tires get shot off, so he just drives on the tracks and his tireless rims snap onto the rails and now he’s driving on the track. I’m pretty sure that’s not how trains work. Or cars. And no, it’s not some kind of spy car with special wheels, he just stole it off one of the bad guys. So yeah, like I said, it’s still a silly peice of crap, but there’s a couple of standout moments. And for a Roger Moore Bond movie called “Octopussy”, I think that’s about the best we could have hoped for.
Overall Rating: Big Top James Bond/10